The High of Motherhood (and the Low of Mothering)

When my oldest son was first born, I was in an incredible state of awe. Words are so hard for me to use to describe how those first months went. I had finally achieved what I had always felt I was sure to become….a mother. It just felt right. I knew where I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to be doing, and what I wanted to do in the future. I was me and I didn’t want to be anyone else. When he cried, I knew instinctively what he needed. I lived in the moment and was observant of everything that was happening around me. For once, I didn’t think, I just was. One true indicator of how in awe I was with my life is that I can’t remember a moment of reading in the first few months. I even missed a new release of one of my favorite authors.

Before I knew it,  I was pregnant again and I ‘knew’ that it would go just as smoothly. If Drew began sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, then Alex would surely be just as early. Heck, I was an expert, maybe he would get it even earlier. (This is where you can start laughing.)

I WAS WRONG. SO VERY,  VERY WRONG!

I loved my little boy, just as much, and it was just as powerful as I would have imagined. For the first few weeks, we were in sync and everyone, including myself, thought I had won the lottery with another easy baby. That is, until the food allergies kicked in, and we quickly fell out of our rhythm. It took ten months before we had our fears confirmed and still longer as more and more allergies have been discovered. For every cry, I ruminated over what to do and how to soothe him. Before the diagnoses, I worried and worried over what I was doing wrong and how I could make him happy. Smiles were so rare and sleep-filled nights even rarer. After, I stayed up wondering how I was going to feed him and how to keep him safe.

Fast forward to 30 months and my little man and I are so together. I’ve never known any child to be so empathetic and loving, so self-sacrificing and thoughtful. Whether he’s telling me not to be sad (Happy, Momma!) after another disappointing allergist appointment or sharing a rare treat with his brother, Alex is an angel. As for me, I’ll admit it fully, becoming a mother gave me a high, being a mother has given me humility, exhaustion, endless worries, and a heart so full, it is almost bursting.

Our Food Allergy Saga

When my youngest son was born, he was perfect. Not only that, but he slept well and ate well! It was a dream...for the first two weeks...but then, something happened. He stopped sleeping well. He spent many late nights crying and we could never find the right thing to help him. When I spoke to the pediatrician, I was told that it was totally normal, and since my first was so easy, I believed them. I passed over my instincts and let it go. But after months of not sleeping and worrying over his runny nose and horrible eczema breakouts, I finally pushed our pediatrician to help. You see, my little guy had had a close to anaphylactic reaction to yogurt. It was scary but our doctor told us to just not give him milk or milk products. Since I was breastfeeding him and he hadn't had many of the classic symptoms and was gaining weight like a champ, she assumed it was a sensitivity and that I would need to minimize, not eliminate dairy from my diet. WRONG!! I pushed and may be sounded like a crazed mother but I got the appointment with the specialist!


This appointment was one of the worst things I've had to go through with my children. I really didn't think much would happen. I was wrong. The little guy was given a skin prick test for a large number of allergens. He popped on milk, eggs, peanuts, dog, apples, chicken, beef, and fish. His reaction to milk was quick and pretty scary and that was just with a small amount on his skin. We went for a RAST blood test of all of the above plus dust. For the next two weeks, I avoided eating all of the above foods, as I was still breastfeeding him. It was INCREDIBLY difficult. Bit by bit, with two different allergy medications and the avoidance, my little guys' eczema cleared, the runny nose dissipated, and he was sleeping better.

When we returned to the allergist, it was clear that my guy was doing my much better and the results were better than expected. His blood showed that he was a level VI on peanuts, a level V on milk, eggs, and dog. Thankfully everything else was negative. We've been doing our best to keep him away from his kryptonite. It's hard...not easy. We all worry about our children, but for me, knowing my son's weaknesses is just a constant worry. If I had just known from early on, I could have saved him so much discomfort. I even worry that because I nursed him for 10 months, that he'll never outgrow the allergy to milk. Yeah, it's all about the mommy guilt. To Be Continued....