The High of Motherhood (and the Low of Mothering)

When my oldest son was first born, I was in an incredible state of awe. Words are so hard for me to use to describe how those first months went. I had finally achieved what I had always felt I was sure to become….a mother. It just felt right. I knew where I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to be doing, and what I wanted to do in the future. I was me and I didn’t want to be anyone else. When he cried, I knew instinctively what he needed. I lived in the moment and was observant of everything that was happening around me. For once, I didn’t think, I just was. One true indicator of how in awe I was with my life is that I can’t remember a moment of reading in the first few months. I even missed a new release of one of my favorite authors.

Before I knew it,  I was pregnant again and I ‘knew’ that it would go just as smoothly. If Drew began sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, then Alex would surely be just as early. Heck, I was an expert, maybe he would get it even earlier. (This is where you can start laughing.)

I WAS WRONG. SO VERY,  VERY WRONG!

I loved my little boy, just as much, and it was just as powerful as I would have imagined. For the first few weeks, we were in sync and everyone, including myself, thought I had won the lottery with another easy baby. That is, until the food allergies kicked in, and we quickly fell out of our rhythm. It took ten months before we had our fears confirmed and still longer as more and more allergies have been discovered. For every cry, I ruminated over what to do and how to soothe him. Before the diagnoses, I worried and worried over what I was doing wrong and how I could make him happy. Smiles were so rare and sleep-filled nights even rarer. After, I stayed up wondering how I was going to feed him and how to keep him safe.

Fast forward to 30 months and my little man and I are so together. I’ve never known any child to be so empathetic and loving, so self-sacrificing and thoughtful. Whether he’s telling me not to be sad (Happy, Momma!) after another disappointing allergist appointment or sharing a rare treat with his brother, Alex is an angel. As for me, I’ll admit it fully, becoming a mother gave me a high, being a mother has given me humility, exhaustion, endless worries, and a heart so full, it is almost bursting.

A Week in the Life

I'm one of those people that always seems to have a story. You know, the one that got a speeding ticket, a flat tire, and ran out of gas on the way home from getting fired at work. Okay, well, maybe I'm not one of THOSE people...but close. I've been incredibly lucky in the big things...the wonderful husband, the healthy children, and great friends. However, I seem to always have these crazy things happening to me. So here's a week in my life....

Monday: On the 25 minute commute to preschool, on a stretch of road that we are unable to pull over on, my son had an accident in his car seat. He begged for us to pull over but waiting in line at a toll booth on a bridge made it impossible. (Note: Cleaning urine out of a car seat is an incredibly difficult job).

Friday: Hmmm! Let's see how to put this simply. On Friday night, while my husband worked on the holiday, my dog escaped from the yard. We found her tied up in the backyard of a neighbor. We were unable to easily get her back and had to rescue her through an elaborate recovery operation. Thankfully, she is home and she is safe and I'm assured that my husband loves me.

Sunday: My husband and I have been enjoying little bits of time where the monkeys actually enjoy playing with each other without mom and dad's help. Unfortunately, in those 20 minutes of tranquility, the monkeys slipped into the bathroom with a full bag of wipes. Can you guess what happened when you put together wipes, a toilet, and two mischievous monkeys? Two inches of water and wipes absolutely everywhere.

So that's three crazy little moments...There's sure to be more to come.

Facebook Killed the Blogger

I know it's been awhile...and I've come back to say...don't blame me, blame Facebook. I've always been the type to go for the instant gratification. While I enjoy blogging, I've really enjoyed re-connecting with friends, especially as my family have been a bunch of gypsies since 2003. It's so much easier to carve the few minutes it takes to write a small little blip about what's going on currently in my life than sitting down to write a post.

However I've discovered something in the past few months that has surprised me. I'm a writer, even if I don't put my ideas out on paper consistently. I love writing. In high school and college, there were few places that I went to without a notebook. I stopped somewhere between working towards my post-graduate degrees and banging out research and term papers and becoming a mother to two spunky and wild monkeys. It wasn't a conscious decision but one made slowly as I simply stopped carrying around those ratty, tatty notebooks. I'm trying to make a change now. Working out my ideas in journals and hopefully posting more frequently here. I'm focusing on the process and letting it take me where it needs to go.

To Don't

This year for a Christmas present, my aunt-in-law gave me some great notepads. They are all forms and make my 'office supply' lovin' heart sing. There is To Do, Pro/Con, Note to Self, and....To Don't. The 'To Don't' pad has me really thinking of all the things I need to make sure I 'don't do.' Here's my list:

1. Don't over think to the point of inaction. Yes, you really do think too much.

2. Don't skip breakfast. It makes you cranky.

3. Don't forget that dancing and singing cures almost everything. When in doubt, turn on Motown, Philadelphia Chickens, or Shakira's 'Hips Don't Lie.'

4. Don't let money or things get you down. You already have more than you ever could have imagined.

5. Don't obsess or ruminate. It's unattractive and unproductive.

6. Don't forget to drink water. It makes your lips chap, your mouth dry, and like #2...you feel cranky.

7. Don't let 'to do lists' control your life. There's so much more out there.

8. Don't spend so much time making to do lists, you don't actually accomplish anything...even if you have some new nifty pads.

9. Don't bury the things that really matter to you under the 'must haves' or 'must dos.'

10. Don't be too serious. Being silly is half of what makes you a good mom.

11. Don't try to control every aspect of your life. It's not possible nor optimal.

12. Don't let your creative side sleep. You need it to be you and it's impossible to be happy without it.

What's on your 'To Don't' list?