My Monkeys and Me

The High of Motherhood (and the Low of Mothering)

2009-07-15T21:44:00.001-05:00

When my oldest son was first born, I was in an incredible state of awe. Words are so hard for me to use to describe how those first months went. I had finally achieved what I had always felt I was sure to become….a mother. It just felt right. I knew where I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to be doing, and what I wanted to do in the future. I was me and I didn’t want to be anyone else. When he cried, I knew instinctively what he needed. I lived in the moment and was observant of everything that was happening around me. For once, I didn’t think, I just was. One true indicator of how in awe I was with my life is that I can’t remember a moment of reading in the first few months. I even missed a new release of one of my favorite authors.

Before I knew it, I was pregnant again and I ‘knew’ that it would go just as smoothly. If Drew began sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, then Alex would surely be just as early. Heck, I was an expert, maybe he would get it even earlier. (This is where you can start laughing.)

I WAS WRONG. SO VERY, VERY WRONG!

I loved my little boy, just as much, and it was just as powerful as I would have imagined. For the first few weeks, we were in sync and everyone, including myself, thought I had won the lottery with another easy baby. That is, until the food allergies kicked in, and we quickly fell out of our rhythm. It took ten months before we had our fears confirmed and still longer as more and more allergies have been discovered. For every cry, I ruminated over what to do and how to soothe him. Before the diagnoses, I worried and worried over what I was doing wrong and how I could make him happy. Smiles were so rare and sleep-filled nights even rarer. After, I stayed up wondering how I was going to feed him and how to keep him safe.

Fast forward to 30 months and my little man and I are so together. I’ve never known any child to be so empathetic and loving, so self-sacrificing and thoughtful. Whether he’s telling me not to be sad (Happy, Momma!) after another disappointing allergist appointment or sharing a rare treat with his brother, Alex is an angel. As for me, I’ll admit it fully, becoming a mother gave me a high, being a mother has given me humility, exhaustion, endless worries, and a heart so full, it is almost bursting.

A Week in the Life

2009-07-05T21:30:00.001-05:00

I'm one of those people that always seems to have a story. You know, the one that got a speeding ticket, a flat tire, and ran out of gas on the way home from getting fired at work. Okay, well, maybe I'm not one of THOSE people...but close. I've been incredibly lucky in the big things...the wonderful husband, the healthy children, and great friends. However, I seem to always have these crazy things happening to me. So here's a week in my life....

Monday: On the 25 minute commute to preschool, on a stretch of road that we are unable to pull over on, my son had an accident in his car seat. He begged for us to pull over but waiting in line at a toll booth on a bridge made it impossible. (Note: Cleaning urine out of a car seat is an incredibly difficult job).

Friday: Hmmm! Let's see how to put this simply. On Friday night, while my husband worked on the holiday, my dog escaped from the yard. We found her tied up in the backyard of a neighbor. We were unable to easily get her back and had to rescue her through an elaborate recovery operation. Thankfully, she is home and she is safe and I'm assured that my husband loves me.

Sunday: My husband and I have been enjoying little bits of time where the monkeys actually enjoy playing with each other without mom and dad's help. Unfortunately, in those 20 minutes of tranquility, the monkeys slipped into the bathroom with a full bag of wipes. Can you guess what happened when you put together wipes, a toilet, and two mischievous monkeys? Two inches of water and wipes absolutely everywhere.

So that's three crazy little moments...There's sure to be more to come.

Facebook Killed the Blogger

2009-06-08T20:25:00.002-05:00

I know it's been awhile...and I've come back to say...don't blame me, blame Facebook. I've always been the type to go for the instant gratification. While I enjoy blogging, I've really enjoyed re-connecting with friends, especially as my family have been a bunch of gypsies since 2003. It's so much easier to carve the few minutes it takes to write a small little blip about what's going on currently in my life than sitting down to write a post.

However I've discovered something in the past few months that has surprised me. I'm a writer, even if I don't put my ideas out on paper consistently. I love writing. In high school and college, there were few places that I went to without a notebook. I stopped somewhere between working towards my post-graduate degrees and banging out research and term papers and becoming a mother to two spunky and wild monkeys. It wasn't a conscious decision but one made slowly as I simply stopped carrying around those ratty, tatty notebooks. I'm trying to make a change now. Working out my ideas in journals and hopefully posting more frequently here. I'm focusing on the process and letting it take me where it needs to go.

To Don't

2009-01-27T14:43:00.005-06:00

This year for a Christmas present, my aunt-in-law gave me some great notepads. They are all forms and make my 'office supply' lovin' heart sing. There is To Do, Pro/Con, Note to Self, and....To Don't. The 'To Don't' pad has me really thinking of all the things I need to make sure I 'don't do.' Here's my list:

1. Don't over think to the point of inaction. Yes, you really do think too much.

2. Don't skip breakfast. It makes you cranky.

3. Don't forget that dancing and singing cures almost everything. When in doubt, turn on Motown, Philadelphia Chickens, or Shakira's 'Hips Don't Lie.'

4. Don't let money or things get you down. You already have more than you ever could have imagined.

5. Don't obsess or ruminate. It's unattractive and unproductive.

6. Don't forget to drink water. It makes your lips chap, your mouth dry, and like #2...you feel cranky.

7. Don't let 'to do lists' control your life. There's so much more out there.

8. Don't spend so much time making to do lists, you don't actually accomplish anything...even if you have some new nifty pads.

9. Don't bury the things that really matter to you under the 'must haves' or 'must dos.'

10. Don't be too serious. Being silly is half of what makes you a good mom.

11. Don't try to control every aspect of your life. It's not possible nor optimal.

12. Don't let your creative side sleep. You need it to be you and it's impossible to be happy without it.

What's on your 'To Don't' list?

Things You May Not Have Known About Me

2009-01-22T20:46:00.000-06:00

1. I love cottage cheese and french dressing, mixed together. Yum!

2. I'm a big fan of NASCAR and have been to four (Winston Cup/Nextel Cup/Sprint Cup...whatever)races at two different tracks. Fun Times!

3. I'm short, yet not the shortest in my family.

4. I love reality shows...and one of my favorites of all time would have to be Kept.

5. I met Donnie Wahlberg at his father's house when I was in 5th grade, just as NKOTB were becoming big. It was a big moment. I've also seen Tiffany in concert twice with NKOTB...once as the main act and later as the opening act.

Loving My Palm

2009-01-21T20:24:00.000-06:00

My Palm T|X, that is. I love it. It's become so much a part of my life. I just have to wax poetic about it here with you all. I've had mine for over a year and a half. It was a wonderful gift from my husband celebrating a promotion I received. While the job no longer exists, my Palm T|X is still a part of my everyday life. I've just found so many uses for this PDA. Now I totally realize that PDAs are so 90's. I know because I received my first one from my sister as a graduation from high school gift. However, it's just such a nifty tool, and sometimes, integrated devices have some limitations.

Here are just a few things my Palm does for me.
1. photo album
2. mp3 player
3. ebook reader (Mobipocket)
4. address book
5. web browser
6. audiobook player (Audible)
7. period tracker
8. database manager (Handy Shpr)
9. games (freejongg, solitaire, sudoku)
10. Document reader (Docs to Go)

For me, it's a great multi-tasking device, but I'll admit to one thing. I can't go all digital when it comes to scheduling. I love having my paper planner and I love my pen and paper lists. I just can't get away from them. It's the reason why I take my Palm and a notebook everywhere I go.

Entering 2009

2009-01-18T19:03:00.000-06:00

The beginning of this year has come along with a few changes for me and my family. I've stopped working from home in the job I had for over 3 years. It's been quite a change. It means playing with my sons without guilt or worrying about the few hours of work to go before bedtime, and focusing on projects around our home that have been put off and put off. It also means that I can devote more time to My Monkeys and Me, which I am incredibly excited and happy for.

So what's going on with monkeys? The big guy has begun going to preschool daily for mornings only. It was definitely the right time to increase from 3 days to 5. The curriculum at the school is really based on 5 days and he has already begun to learn so much. With two more days, it's sure to have a positive effect. We've also found that he just hasn't adjusted to going some days and not others. So far, we've been happy with the change.

The little monkey is also doing well and enjoying having me available for more time. I've been working on recipes for him that the whole family can enjoy. Not an easy thing with all of his allergies and foods to avoid. We're also working on his talking. Since he's learning two languages at the same time, it's no wonder that he's a bit behind. I'm hoping to encourage him to speak more and more in either language.

Finally there's me...I've got some new things to try out as I manage our home and some things I'll be doing for me...(big shocker, I know). I'll be sure to keep you all posted on what's working and what isn't.

Living the Crazy Mama Life

2008-11-17T20:37:00.000-06:00

I'm learning new stuff everyday. I love those 'aha' moments even when I realize I've been doing everything wrong. For the last year or so, I've been working on ways to increase my productivity and be more effective. It's finally gotten through to me that I am no longer a multi-tasker. Sure I remember those late nights, listening to music, catching up with my mom on the phone, and writing a paper for school. I was probably painting my nails, too. I was the ultimate multi-tasker and I felt like it only made me more successful than I would be if I stuck with just one task. I remember reading a study that proved to me that I was made to multi-task. Women, it said, were far better at juggling multiple to do items while men were far more successful with uni-tasking.

I've come to realize that being a mom means that I'm forever multi-tasking. I never stop. If I'm brushing my teeth, I'm monitoring to make sure Thing 1 doesn't take down Thing 2. If I'm working at night on my laptop, there's a good chance that I'm talking with my husband, watching tv, snuggling with my dog and making sure my son stays in bed. I've realized that perhaps, trying to work, pay my bills, and keep track of my email box...along with the other mommy multi-tasking I do at home isn't the best idea. I'm committing to a new way of thinking for me...Focusing on as little tasks as possible at any given time. Working from home means I can't just turn off my mommy job but there is no reason for me to over-task my already cluttered brain. Wish me luck as I try something new. It's time to let go of the guilt of not accomplishing five things at once and trying to do one thing well.

I'm sorry.....so sorry!

2008-11-09T20:55:00.000-06:00

I really did not disappear off the face of the blogging Earth. A few months ago, I found myself energized to start a bunch of new projects. Unfortunately, I may have bitten off a little more than I could chew and this blog took the hit. I'm back now and I'm hoping you'll forgive me.

I'll be back soon to continue our food allergy saga and let you know a little more about my monkeys and the pretty little girl from my previous post, Lola Lynn.

If you're looking for me and interested in my 140 word insights on life, you can find me as Mindful_Chris on Twitter.

2008-09-28T21:30:00.000-05:00

I promise my mommy will be back to blog.

Five Years Ago Today

2008-08-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

Five years ago today I married my soul mate in a church surrounded by our friends and family. Not an exaggeration! My husband is definitely the embodiment of everything I could have hoped for in a living, breathing human being, perhaps more. He's patient, kind, charming, witty, sincere, and he loves me wholly. My favorite memento from the day is a snapshot taken by his aunt. The look on his face as I walked down the aisle...his very first peek at me...It still gives me shivers.

It wasn't just our wedding, our vows, our celebration that sticks in my mind, but the strength and love of one family member that I will always remember. Only the day before, the day of our rehearsal dinner, she discovered that the baby she had been carrying for 11 and a half weeks was lost. My sister, my maid of honor, stuck close to me for those two days. She did not hide in a corner to heal, like many would have done. She didn't whine or demand attention. She supported me, she helped me, and she loved me, like only a sister can do. Thank you!

Our Food Allergy Saga

2008-08-08T09:16:00.001-05:00

When my youngest son was born, he was perfect. Not only that, but he slept well and ate well! It was a dream...for the first two weeks...but then, something happened. He stopped sleeping well. He spent many late nights crying and we could never find the right thing to help him. When I spoke to the pediatrician, I was told that it was totally normal, and since my first was so easy, I believed them. I passed over my instincts and let it go. But after months of not sleeping and worrying over his runny nose and horrible eczema breakouts, I finally pushed our pediatrician to help. You see, my little guy had had a close to anaphylactic reaction to yogurt. It was scary but our doctor told us to just not give him milk or milk products. Since I was breastfeeding him and he hadn't had many of the classic symptoms and was gaining weight like a champ, she assumed it was a sensitivity and that I would need to minimize, not eliminate dairy from my diet. WRONG!! I pushed and may be sounded like a crazed mother but I got the appointment with the specialist!

This appointment was one of the worst things I've had to go through with my children. I really didn't think much would happen. I was wrong. The little guy was given a skin prick test for a large number of allergens. He popped on milk, eggs, peanuts, dog, apples, chicken, beef, and fish. His reaction to milk was quick and pretty scary and that was just with a small amount on his skin. We went for a RAST blood test of all of the above plus dust. For the next two weeks, I avoided eating all of the above foods, as I was still breastfeeding him. It was INCREDIBLY difficult. Bit by bit, with two different allergy medications and the avoidance, my little guys' eczema cleared, the runny nose dissipated, and he was sleeping better.

When we returned to the allergist, it was clear that my guy was doing my much better and the results were better than expected. His blood showed that he was a level VI on peanuts, a level V on milk, eggs, and dog. Thankfully everything else was negative. We've been doing our best to keep him away from his kryptonite. It's hard...not easy. We all worry about our children, but for me, knowing my son's weaknesses is just a constant worry. If I had just known from early on, I could have saved him so much discomfort. I even worry that because I nursed him for 10 months, that he'll never outgrow the allergy to milk. Yeah, it's all about the mommy guilt. To Be Continued....

A Bit About Chris

2008-08-02T15:53:00.001-05:00

Most everyone who 'knows' me, knows almost everything about me. I don't have much of a filter and I've never quite managed to keep my feelings from showing on my face. Since many of you don't have the luxury....or annoyance of seeing me in person...here's a bit about me.

*I'm originally from Rhode Island and didn't leave until I left for graduate school in the big bad city.

*I met my husband 3 days before 9/11. Our first date was on 9/13. We were both in Manhattan that day.

*I've lived overseas. Something I'm sure no one from my childhood would have predicted.

*I'm shy. Most people don't believe that but, I get butterflies for simple things that most people do daily.

*My husband is in law enforcement and it makes me terrified and proud, all at the same time.

*Forever, I've wanted to be a psychologist.

*I graduated with my degree in school psychology on the same day as my bridal shower. I didn't walk and was two states away for my graduation.

*I taught preschool with children from Turkey, Spain, Russia, and the US. I don't speak Turkish or Russian and my Spanish is barely passable. My husband was sure that there was going to be 17 children with Rhode Island accents before the year was finished. (As in, please hand me that HAHHHHD COVAHHH book.)

*I have two sons and I would like to have one more child, but I'm not sure it's in the cards for us.

*I had a separated pubic bone for my first. It sucked!

*I love reading EVERYTHING. There isn't a genre I'll pass up and that includes my comfort reads. I read romance novels, on occasion. I think of them as mac-n-cheese without the calories.

*I love seeing the world but, I hate the business of traveling. However, I've moved three times for my husband's job and will surely do so again.

*I spent a semester working in a home for juvenile delinquents, including sex offenders. I learned that you can abhor the things people do and still want to help them. I also learned that there is a reason if not an excuse for behavior.

*I have a dog named Lola. She's really like another child, even though she's put me through some of the toughest moments and most difficult decisions of my life. I love her and I can't sleep well when I can't hear her snoring.